Rock & Roll & Retainers

About seven years ago I dropped everything (I didn’t have that much going on to be honest) and moved into a tour bus with five band members. I wasn’t in the band, I didn’t know the band & I had never toured. I also didn’t know I was going to be touring until two days before I was touring.  

The first day was a whirlwind. I had only met the band once before and had no idea what to expect. I flew to Tampa, FL and took a cab to the venue. I reintroduced myself to the band and basically just observed everything. I saw the show and was blown away. They were total rockstars and I knew I had made the right move. That night was the first night on the bus. I was on a high from the day. Getting ready for bed, I did what I always did: brush my teeth, wash my face, throw my hair up and put in my retainers. I got in my bunk, closed my curtain and went to sleep as the bus rolled on to the next city on the tour.

The first night of sleep was interesting. The bus driver forgot to mention that he took the bus for a wash during the night drive so I woke up in a total panic that we were driving through a hurricane. I sat up abruptly & hit my head on the ceiling (the bunks are small). The bus started moving so I figured everything was fine and got up to go to the bathroom. 

Normally, I sleep and pee when the ground underneath me isn’t shaking, like everybody else, so this was a bit weird. On top of that I was freaked out from the “hurricane weather” that had woken me up moments before so my head was a little hazy. I got back in bed and drifted back to sleep. I woke up feeling fine actually and excited about my first real day of work. I got out of bed and noticed that my retainer wasn’t in my mouth. I slid my hand under my pillow and pulled back my sheets. Nothing. I looked on the floor where the bunks were and in the front lounge and on the kitchen counter and in the bathroom. Most of the band was in the front lounge while I was searching and was obviously wondering what I was doing. Those clear retainers cost like $500 a piece. I had to find it. I swallowed my pride and said, “I lost my retainers in the middle of the night so if you see some clear plastic things………..it’s mine.” Everyone laughed at me, rightfully so. Fortunately…………or unfortunately, I would soon get myself into way more embarrassing situations than that one so no one ever made much fun of me for it after that. And it set the tone for who I was right off the bat, so, you’re welcome.

I came to conclusion that I threw it out in the wastebasket in my fuzzy state when I went to the bathroom and the bus driver had emptied the trash when we got to our destination. I never replaced my retainer and my teeth look the same. So joke’s on my orthodontist.