Tag Archives: tour

The Filthy Diet

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“The Filthy Diet” – a diet where you only drink extra dirty martinis all day long, thus losing weight really fast.

137 weeks ago (thanks instagram) I was in Richmond for an “off day” on tour. The group I was with decided to have dinner that night at an Italian place that was recommended to us called Edo’s Squid.

I really want to recommend this place because I think I loved everything. I think I loved the food, I think I loved the ambience, I even think I loved the front door. The restaurant was on a second floor walk up and it felt like you were walking up to someone’s apartment. If I can recall correctly the door to the restaurant looked like a storage closet door and may have even had a broom hanging on it. It’s one of those places that you would totally overlook if you didn’t know about it.

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The reason I can’t 100% recommend this place is because while I heavily enjoyed every bit of this place, I was on The Filthy Diet with my friend, and therefore was wasted out of my mind.

This was a diet that my friend and I had come up with the night before (3am that day) while at a truck stop Wendy’s eating milkshakes and fries. Feeling pretty shitty about the fast food we had just consumed, we decided it would be a good idea to drink nothing but really really dirty martinis all day in Richmond. (There have been studies that say olives prevent cancer and vodka has no calories.. so it’s really the best diet to help you lose weight whilst preventing cancer.)

This diet did have one flaw though…when you wake up and drink a dirty martini for breakfast (and then have another for lunch and another for a snack..) by the time dinner rolls around you are so drunk you have no shame in eating literally anything that’s around, thus defeating the purpose of the diet.

Tomorrow we are headed back to Richmond for a show and I will be making my way to Edo’s Squid for technically the second time.. but basically the first.

Extra Dirty Martini Recipe:
-1 martini glass rinsed in Vermouth
-1 shot of Vodka
-1 shot of Gin
-2 shots of olive juice
-unlimited olives

“The Filthy Diet” Daily Regimen:
Breakfast: 1 extra dirty martini
Lunch: 1 extra dirty martini
Snack: 1 extra dirty martini
Dinner: 1-2 extra dirty martinis
Dessert: 1 extra dirty martini

Touring: The Good The Bad & The Crazy

Things I don’t like about tour:

Fly dates & delayed flights.
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Canadian borders. At 5am.
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Waking up on hotel floors.
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All of this:
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Having to quarantine yourself when you get sick so you don’t get everyone else on the tour sick.
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Overdrives from the east coast to the west coast where you go to sleep thinking you’ll wake up in LA and then you wake up 7 hours later and look at your map and realize that the blue dot hasn’t moved because your bus broke down.
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Not being able to get off the bus in the morning because you’re suspended in the air.
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(Photo by Will Roth)

Not being allowed to have a dog on tour, resulting in a plethora of puppets and stuffed animals to fill the void.
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Flying with 60 pieces of luggage.
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Early morning train rides in Europe.
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Finding boxers and socks in my bunk every night before I go to bed.
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Not really understanding Miami, FL when we play there.
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Things I do like about tour:

Free alcohol from riders.
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Pranking the opening bands.
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Solid truck stop hangs.
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When our tour bus driver did this every morning:
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Cooking dinner at 3am on the bus.
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Making friends with the right people so you get to ride Kenny Chesney’s chair around Gillette Stadium.
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Group showers.
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Having a runner pick up stuff for you.
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Being able to actually say “Robert Plant once told me…”
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Learning how to live simply.
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Unique sleeping situations:
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Learning new stretching poses from tour mates.
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A lifetime of unforgettable stories:
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Green Day

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I normally don’t go crazy when it comes to team colors or holiday outfits.. but last year I was on tour in Europe and found out we were going to be in Dublin with a day off on St Patrick’s day. I figured if there was ever a time to go all out, this would be it. Before I left for the tour, I went shopping for a simple but sweet outfit. Green pants, white T and a vintage green velvet blazer. All I needed were green suspenders. I searched everywhere for a pair but found nothing. Finally, a week before I left my friend bought me a pair that he had found. The outfit was complete!

The headlining band was in a bus but the band I was with were traveling by train so to make traveling easier, I kepy my suitcase on the bus with the other band. We toured around for 3 weeks before hitting Dublin, which would be our last stop. Finally, the day arrived. I didn’t sleep the night before, my flight got into Dublin at 9a, I got off the plane and took a bus into the city. The bus driver took me as far into the city as he could go but most of the roads were blocked off due to the holiday parades and events. I walked for like 30 minutes until I got to my hotel. I had to get to the room, shower, get dressed, get in touch with my friends and get drinking. It was 10:30am. When I got to the room I got the worst possible news that someone can get on St Paddy’s Day. The band bus couldn’t get into the city either and would be parked on the outskirts of town until the next day.

My outfit…….was on……the….bus.

All I had to wear was what I was wearing. Black jeans and a black tank top. No vintage green velvet blazer. No green pants. No suspenders. 3 weeks of traveling with that stupid outfit and nothing to show for it.

I found a guy who had on green suspenders at the bar, so I went up and tried to convince him to give them to me. He said no but I got in them anyway so I could have one photo of me wearing green in Dublin on St Patrick’s Day. That guy hated me.

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The last photo I took on my phone from the night was this:

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And the next morning I woke up in a red bath rub.

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The last show of the European tour was the next day in Dublin. We linked back up with the bus so I wore my green outfit, in full, a day late. Everyone made fun of me. About an hour into the day one side of the suspenders broke. I purposefully left my entire outfit behind in the hotel room when I left Ireland.

Mi Tour Bus es Su Tour Bus

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That moment when you think you are walking on to your bus..

’cause it looks like your bus.
and the door code is the same as your bus.
and the entry way on to the bus looks exactly like your bus.

but you realize it’s not your bus.
’cause it’s Dave Matthew’s bus.

and then you leave awkwardly and walk to your actual bus in the rain.